Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
