Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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