I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize