The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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