We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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