even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
