Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
