Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
