the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
