I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
