this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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