I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
