Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You are the jesus of drinking
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize