i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
