i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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