Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
