Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
