So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
