His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
