break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
false alarm, still single
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
