i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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