things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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