the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
