Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish you could order shots online.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
