thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
