i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
