The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
