she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
