eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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