Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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