At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
