He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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