smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
