she woke up with a sticky ear
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
