No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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