i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
