don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
