Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
