Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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