Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
honey bunches of taint.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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