Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
