im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
