Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize