I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
