Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
