and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
