im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
