I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
