i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
