i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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