sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
