i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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