I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
