Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
