I looked at my own cervix.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize