need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
