ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
