I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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