it wasn't lemon gatorade
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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