Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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