I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
