He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize