Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
