I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
