He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
