Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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