gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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