If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
A+ Viking dick
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
