people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
