I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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