hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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